An Unfortunate Foot Incident

Dear friends,

I regret to inform you that my last post, the one about cereal, was deleted due to the fact that I am slightly incompetent and have not quite figured this whole "bloggity blog" thing out. The delightful photos that I attached to the blog didn't show up, and to be honest, the post just wasn't the same without them. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I don't really get these "new fangled contraptions" half the time.

In other news, today I had a rather grotesque brush with feet. While sitting in my early morning class, with my hands clasped together in delight, eyes bulging and shiny with the promise of education, I noticed something horrible to my left.

Down on the chair next to me, were the unmistakable feet of Bilbo Baggins. Now, I realize that these feet were attached to a non-hobbit who happens to be very nice and intelligent, however, I strongly believe that his former feet must have been removed in a freak ice skating incident, or perhaps a game of bridge became violent and cost him his appendages. Whatever the circumstances, these new attached feet, are horrific.

I could no longer pay attention to the rising numbers of single parent households, or the sharp increase in divorce rates from 1860 to 2003...no...all I could think about were the dirty soled, hairy feet splaying out on the chair to my left.

Now, it is important for you all to know that I have a very sensitive gag reflex and my only heightened sense just happens to be my sense of smell. And when the smell of dirt, rotten eggs, and old corn-chips wafts their dark scent toward me, I fear I may need a gas mask.

Would it be impolite for me to request he reserve taking off his shoes for his private time, as it upsets my genteel nature? Or should I just move to a different desk?

Sincerely,

Miss Noxema Jackson

p.s. (for those of you who don't know who Miss Jackson is, please rent Too Wong Foo, it will explain a lot)

Welcome, friends

It finally happened. I fought long and hard, convincing myself that I would not blog. Because after all, blog sounds just like glob. Neither of those words seem to roll of the tongue. No, they sort of goop out like mush. And that's just nastay.

But here we are, or rather, here I am, to tell you a little bit about men and their suspect choices of accessories. Think of it as a sort of Cautionary Tale.

The first warning is an elaboration of the blog's title. Indeed, I am going to tell you WHY you should never trust a man with a pinky ring. Now, I rarely believe in using the stoic and rigid word never, but listen friends, NEVER trust a man with a pinky ring. Why, you ask? It's just a fashion choice, just a ring, just a pinky. Well, that's your first mistake. It is not just a ring, but a symbol of something very very grave and dangerous.

A pinky ring does not evoke the nostalgia of early hip-hop, nor does it convey a fashionable, gender neutral tone. Rather, a pinky ring reeks of this:

See what I mean?

And Here we have Terrance Howard sporting the tackier, if tastier, Ring Pop version of the dreaded pinky ring. And how many movies has he been in lately????

Similarly, you should also steer clear of the equally as suspicious thumb ring wearers. While the man with the pinky ring may cheat you, the man with the thumb ring may cheat ON you. With a porn star. Or he is perhaps a porn star himself. Either way, he's into some weird stuff. And I can't even bring myself to post further horrors of that mishap.

I know what you may be thinking, "But Miss Jackson, aren't you being a bit stereotypical?" And my answer is YES. Yes I am. But in my defense I have been hard pressed to find a man who wears either of these rings who is not on at least a mini ego trip. So if you do find a man with a pinky/thumb ring who is wonderful in every way, please, tell me all about it. I love a good story about a man, against all odds, emerging victorious and powerful. (In this case, the rings in question would qualify as putting him "against all odds".)

Well friends, good-night, and don't let the pinky rings bite.